On Maggie's First Birthday

Maggie is one today.  When I look at her petite frame I can hardly believe it.  I still marvel at this wonderful gift that God has given us and how blessed we already are by her addition to our family.  However, my thoughts all day today were on Maggie's birth mother.  What was she feeling today?  Was she thinking about Maggie and wondering where she was?  Was she remembering the delivery?  Did she even see Maggie before she wrote the statement that gave her up for adoption?  So many questions were running through my head all day.

But my prayer is that she is comforted by the Ultimate Comforter that her baby girl is with a family who loves her more than life.  A family that will take care of her and lead her on the right path.  A family who will always do what's best for her - even when she doesn't know it or appreciate it!  (That's what good parents do, right?)   We don't know much about Maggie's birth mother, but I pray for her salvation and protection.  She brought life to Maggie and for that I am forever grateful.  When I look at Maggie, I know deep in my heart that she was always meant for our family.  There is not one ounce of doubt in that.  But I know that it took a great sacrifice on the part of a woman whom I will most likely never meet.  I will always pray for her and will continue to praise God for the choice she made that cold December morning in Moscow, Russia on December 19, 2011.

Happy Birthday Maggie!!!

Mom to an 8 year old

I can't believe that I am actually the mother of an 8 year old.  Eight?  How in the world could he be eight?  I mean, I am still 27 right?  In all seriousness, I could not be any more blessed by this little 8 year old than I am.  Yes, we have our moments, we all do, but when I see into Ward's heart, I see the beginnings of a man that I know will make a great husband and father.  I see a little boy who loves Jesus and tries to do the right thing (most of the time).  I see a little boy who is giving and kind and even shares his brand new birthday toys with his 3 year old brother.  I see a little boy who loves the outdoors and everything in it - frogs, lizards, birds and bugs, just to name a few.  I also see a little boy who loves to climb trees and discover the world around him.  A little boy with a gigantic imagination who is always coming up with fun new games and creative ways to entertain the neighborhood who always ends up in our yard.  Most of all, I see a little boy who I love with my whole heart - more than I love myself.  I don't know how that can be but God knew what he was doing when he gave me Ward as my first-born.  He may not be perfect, and may have his challenges, but I wouldn't trade him or anything about him for the world.  I love you buddy!

with his little turtle he caught this summer at the lake

(with his requested birthday cookies - he is his father's son!!)

One week done

I can't believe that this time last week I was packing in our hotel room in Moscow preparing for the very long journey home (and dreading every minute of it!).  To be honest, this week has been a blur.  I feel like so much has happened, and yet I also feel like nothing has happened.  I am still struggling with jet lag (they say it takes a day for each hour time difference so that means I have 4 more days to go!) and just adjusting to having 4 kids and an almost 1 year old in the house again.

Maggie is really adjusting well.  I think that her attachment to us is going as well as it can be - she is learning minute by minute, day by day, that Ted and I are her daddy and mommy and that we are going to be here for her forever.  Sleep is still a bit of an issue, but we are working it out.  I think that the vast majority of her issues right now are also related to jet lag.  She goes to bed quite well, but if she wakes up in the middle of a nap or in the middle of the night, she is very scared and it takes a while to settle her down.  Poor girl - I cannot imagine the emotions her little body is experiencing.  It is something that the vast majority of us will never experience, much less as a baby who cannot understand what is going on.

The other issue that people have warned us about with adoptive kids is food, but that doesn't seem to be an issue as of yet.  She had never had anything other than "baby food" or "mushy food" and we have already introduced her to more solid foods like puffs, cheerios, bananas, and even pancakes.  With the introduction of this food, she does not want to eat off the spoon!  She is having way too much fun feeding herself!  I am trying to remember what I fed my other kiddos at this age.  I guess she can eat pretty much anything as long as I cut it up small enough.  Any advice is welcome!

I'll leave you with some more pictures from the week.  The older kids are really being great with her and I love to see Maggie watching them as they play around her.  I can't wait to watch these bonds grow stronger and to see her personality and how it will change and play into our family dynamic.  In the quiet moments, when it is just the two of us, I keep on having these "I can't believe that she is really mine" moments.  God is so good!!

A Reminder About Adoptive Parenting

A little friendly reminder now that we are home and adjusting to our new life with Maggie ---

There are some things about adoptive parenting that are the same as parenting a biological child, but there are also quite a few areas that we have learned are very different.  Through our adoption agency, the UAB International Adoption Clinic, books, other adoptive parents, adoption social workers, psychologists and more, we have learned that Maggie needs a specific type of environment and parenting now that we are home in order to feel safe and secure and to learn how to live successfully in our family.  

While we know that every child is different, we also understand that there are many possible things that will impact Maggie's beliefs and behavior now that she is home.  These include how much nurturing Maggie received in the orphanage, the amount and quality of food she received, illnesses, the quality of care and Maggie's unique personality and temperament, just to name a few.  Although her orphanage didn't seem as bad to us as we were expecting, it is still an orphanage and Maggie received less than optimal care for the first 11 months of her life.   The result of this less than optimal care can lead to behavioral issues, emotional disorders and a sense of grief and loss from being separated from the only home and caregivers Maggie has ever known.  Adoption is a scary and traumatic event for any age child - whether they are a newborn or 10 years old.  They're being removed from all of their routines and familiar surroundings.  Even babies feel grief and sadness at an event like this.  To help Maggie feel safe and learn that we are her parents, Ted and I are creating the type of environment that will help promote security during this stressful time.

At the recommendation of experienced adoption professionals, now that we are home, we are implementing specific parenting approaches to help encourage a strong, attached, emotionally healthy family member.  Maggie needs to learn that we are her parents.  She needs to feel nurtured and safe.  She is not used to having parents to love and care for her.

So what does this look like?  Here are some things that we are doing for Maggie based on research and experience with other adopted children --

• We are living a very quiet life with limited trips out and very few visitors for a little while.  Social workers and psychologists tell us that when children are first adopted, they may be overwhelmed, scared and nervous.  By keeping our lives "boring" at first, we are helping Maggie feel safe at home.  However, this does NOT mean that we don't want visitors!!  I would GO CRAZY!  Instead, I am just limiting the number of people who come see us each day and may ask you to come by later, or another day so it is not so overwhelming.

• We are doing all the "primary caregiver duties" including all the holding, feeding, changing, bathing, kissing, etc.  I know that everyone wants to hold Maggie, and it is so sweet of you.  However, we can't just pass her around for everyone to hold.  We have to be mindful of overloading her with new things and people.  We know you all want to hold, hug, kiss and help spoil her, but it is recommended that Ted and I be the only one to do that at first to improve her chances of attaching strongly to us.  Until we feel Maggie has attached and clearly knows that we are her parents, we will need to feed, change and take care of her.  I promise that once this happens, I will call on many of you for diaper changes and babysitting!!!  As strange as it may seem, adoptive children who act very outgoing and affectionate with strangers is not a healthy thing.  It is called "indiscriminate affection" and can mean that they haven't really attached to anyone.  It would not be a good sign that Maggie has attached to us if during her first months home she would just let anyone take her and hold her without searching for me and/or Ted, for example.  

I really appreciate you all reading and understanding this.  I posted this so that everyone can be on the same page and help us to help Maggie adjust and adapt during this stressful time in her life.  We feel confident that everything will smooth out quickly and we will be on a more normal schedule soon.  

Home, Safe and Sound

Sorry that I have not posted anything since we have been back.  To say that I am exhausted would be a huge understatement.  We are still living in a complete jet-lagged state and Maggie has her days and nights mixed up since Moscow is 10 hours ahead.  Sleep is hard to come by right now, but I am trying to nap here and there when I have a moment! (One of the main reasons I have not been on the computer!)

Maggie is doing really great at her new home.  She is still a bit overwhelmed but I think that she is handling everything great.  Ward, Ann Park and Sam are overjoyed by her presence - but it is kinda like having a new puppy.  I am sure that the novelty will wear off soon.  I am trying to spend one-on-one time with each one of them when I can as I know that will help with the adjustment for them.

We went to the International Adoption Clinic today and met with the social worker and doctors there.  Maggie is looking great and doing great, but we already knew that.  We were there for about 4 hours and the visit was supposed to end with all the blood work - to verify vaccines and to check for other things like iron deficiencies, etc.  They tried and tried and tried to find a vein (i.e. they poked and poked and poked her with a needle) and could not get anything.  They think it is because we are so close to coming home and her nutrition and hydration is not up to par yet.  So we have to go back and try again in a couple of weeks.  No fun.  But all in all it was a very good visit.

I have some great pictures of Maggie with her siblings that I will post when I have another moment.  For now I want to try to get a nap before Ward and Ann Park get home from school.  Please forgive my lack of communication!  I promise to improve!!

Last day! Last day!

Hurray!  We are in the final stretch!  I was so tired last night and decided to take an Ambien.  Well, I think that I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, and I did not open my eyes until 6:53 the next morning!  I could not believe it.  I don't think that I have done that on any of my nights here previously.  Of course, that means that I am adjusting to this time and that I will have horrible jet lag when I get home, but I will have many helpers and will take lots of naps to get over it!  The good night's sleep will also help with the long journey home tomorrow.

I had to wake Maggie up again this morning at 7:15, and I didn't hear a peep out of her all night long.  I think that we have a good sleeper on our hands!  Praise the Lord!  I am praying that it continues when we get home, although I am sure that it will take some time for her to adjust to her new surroundings.  We got up and played for a couple of hours in the hotel while dad packed and showered.  He then took Maggie down to the lobby so I could shower and start the process of packing.  It is about a 24 hour trip home (with a 10 hour time change) so I am making sure that I have everything that I could possibly need for Maggie in my carry-on.  I am preparing for the worst, but praying for the best.  She seems to be easily adaptable and such a happy baby at this point, but you never know!  I have heard some nightmares from more than one adoptive parent so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

After I got about half way packed dad and I decided to check out the little festival at the Anglican Church across the street from the hotel.  It was nice to hear so many people speaking English!  The priest is British and I also heard a lot of Americans.  They had a bunch of food, raffle items, and little booths where you could buy items set up all around.  They also had fun kids crafts and were going to have Christmas carols later in the afternoon.  It lasts all day long and I think is a popular even for families in the city.  We didn't stay too long since we were all getting hungry and really weren't interested in buying anything.

Today is the warmest day we have had thus far and we actually saw the sun for a little bit of our walk! (Good thing we aren't going to be here next week as it is going to be -14 degrees Celcius on Tuesday!!) I would guess that it was in the high 30s when we waked to lunch, but the weather is supposed to get colder this afternoon and the clouds are already rolling in.  We enjoyed our walk and the sun, however, on our way to Pizza Express - a favorite!  After a great lunch of chicken caesar salads and cokes, we took the long way back to the hotel and enjoyed walking in Moscow for one last afternoon.  We got back to the hotel around 1:00 and I put Maggie down for her nap.  She was falling asleep in the carrier so it was perfect timing for her nap.

I spent the first part of her nap gathering food and deciding what I needed to take on my carry-on, what I could pack in my checked luggage, and what I was going to leave with the Texas family I met last night.  She was telling me last night that she was not well-prepared and really didn't have enough food for her little one.  They went to the market around the corner but didn't have much luck.  Luckily for her, I was overly prepared and brought WAY too much food so I am making a generous donation of snacks!  And it helps me out because I don't have to pack it!

We leave the hotel for the airport tomorrow morning at 7:45 for our 10:45 flight to Paris.  We have a 4 hour layover in Paris and then a 10 hour flight to Atlanta.  I am DREADING tomorrow, but I know that dad will be a huge help!  Please pray that we are safe and that everything goes smoothly and that God's peace will cover us in our travels.

Nasty Day in Moscow

It was a nasty day in Moscow.  The total snowfall for the past two days was almost two feet and then today it warmed up enough to turn into slush.  Dirty, yucky slush.  And to add to that slush there was some nice freezing rain.  It was just gorgeous!  But dad and I ventured out anyway since I was going completely stir-crazy.

But let me back up a little bit.  Last night went really well.  Maggie slept through the night and I actually had to wake her up at 7:15 this morning.  Of course that was great for Maggie but I was still up at 3:00.  At least I went to bed at 9:00 and got about 6 hours of sleep.  I still look like a train-wreck, however, and am very ready to get back home!

After I woke her up this morning, we had breakfast and played at the hotel for a couple of hours.  Although the weather was the pits, we still decided to go ahead with our plan. We walked the 20 minutes over to Red Square and went to the mall to thaw out. I did not wear my long johns and literally had ice crystals on my jeans.  Maggie was nice and warm besides her cheeks since she was in the baby carrier under my jacket.  We burned some time in the mall and then headed to St. Basil's Cathedral.  Ted and I did not go inside on either of our two trips and I so wish that Ted got to see it.  The Cathedral is truly amazing - one of the coolest places that I have ever been.  We toured the Cathedral for about 45 minutes or so and then headed to lunch at a pizza place that Ted and I discovered on our first trip to Moscow.  Maggie was starving too and we all had a great lunch.

After lunch we headed back to the hotel and Maggie immediately went down for her nap without a peep.  She was exhausted from all the touring!  I hung out in dad's room and watched a movie that I had downloaded from iTunes while dad got a massage!  I tried to take a nap but I am just enough adjusted to this time that it wasn't going to work.  I had to wake Maggie up from her nap at 4:00 and we played around the hotel until dinner time.  Dad and I went back to our favorite spot about a block from the hotel.  I was wearing the wrong shoes and stepped in a huge puddle and was soaked through and through.  Dad was sweet enough to go back and get my correct boots so that made dinner much better.

I am now back at the hotel and have been visiting with two other families who have also adopted.  One family is the one I have spent time with most of the week from Jacksonville and today a new family from Texas came in.  They actually adopted from Vladivostok and through the same agency that we were using when we never got a child.  I am definitely going to have to look into that one when I get home. . . .

But for now I think that I am going to call it a day and head to bed.  Ambien is definitely in my future.  Hopefully I can get a better night's sleep tonight.  One more day!!!!!

A few pictures - Day 3

Here are a few pictures from tonight.  Dad and I gave Maggie her second bath.  She is still unsure about the whole bath situation and stood up the entire time. She didn't cry, but she was definitely nervous about it.  Her hair is getting softer and softer as I wash it and dad noticed that it is actually getting lighter.  I wonder how often she was bathed in the orphanage?

Her hair is wet in these pictures.  Although she has a ton of hair, it is so fine that it dries so quickly!  I can't wait for it to grow out so I can get a bow in it.  The orphanage obviously has given her some pretty bad haircuts!

happy girl after her bath!

crawling towards mama

looking at papa

big smile!!!

All Done!

Everything is complete on the Moscow end of things.  Now dad and I just have two more days to hang out until we get on our flights home!  We had to build in a couple of extra days in case anything went wrong in any of the steps that had to be completed this final trip (especially at the Embassy), but thankfully everything went smoothly today.

Last night was not as great a night as the first, but we survived.  She woke up with a coughing fit and refused to sleep in the pack and play after that.  I put her in bed with me and although she slept soundly, I didn't get much sleep.  Thankfully, dad came and got her this morning and let me get three much-needed hours of sleep.  They are really bonding and I am so appreciative of him being here.  He is so great with her and she really loves being with him.  It is amazing how fast she is adjusting to everything!  I am praying tonight goes better!

Vlad came and got Maggie and me at 10:40 to head to our appointment at the Embassy.  There is a ton of snow here and it has snowed all day long today so we left early for our 11:30 appointment.  Thankfully the traffic was not too bad and we arrived at 11:00.  The Embassy was, as it had been described to me, much like the DMV -- a lot of lines and a lot of waiting.  I didn't know what to expect, but that was certainly not it.  The place was full of Russians applying for tourist or business visas to the United States.  There were also 4 other American families getting visas for their adopted children so it was fun to get to talk to them.

The first thing I did when I got to the Embassy was to go through security and then wander around a corridor to the cashier.  There was a long line, but, thankfully, adoptions don't have to wait in those lines and get to go to the front of the line to pay the cashier.  It costs $230 to get Maggie her visa.  After I got the receipt, I turned it in to another window and waited to be called - which did not occur until exactly 11:30.  The Embassy Official (the only American I spoke to at the Embassy which I thought was really strange) swore me in and asked me a few questions - mainly confirming that everything on her visa application was true.  I had to sign a few documents and that was pretty much that.  She gave me all of my copies of the official adoption paperwork and explained to me what would happen once I got to customs in Atlanta.  Then I had to wait for another lady to call me with the "sealed yellow envelope" that I hand to the customs officials.  Those documents are the ones used by Homeland Security to issue her naturalization certificate once we get back.  I have heard so much about this envelope and it was great to finally have it in my possession.

Maggie will have both Russian and American citizenship until she is 18.  When she is 18 she can officially renounce her Russian citizenship or choose to keep it.  This is much more important for boys who are adopted because there is a mandatory draft for all Russian boys at 18.  One thing that was interesting about this dual citizenship is that if we bring Maggie back to Russia, she will have to travel on her Russian passport so we will have to renew it since it expires in 5 years.

Maggie was starving once I got back to the car and luckily I brought a bottle.  She downed it and was out - well before naptime!  She slept about 45 minutes and then was wide awake.  I fed her a late lunch and then got her to go down for a nap at 2:00.  I had to wake her up at 4:00!  She was out like a light!  Maybe a good omen for tonight?  I hope so, but I am not counting on it!!

I just realized that I have not taken any pictures today.  Ted will not be happy with that!  I will try to take some in a little while - can't miss a day of documenting this adventure!! Thanks to everyone for your continued prayers and support.  We so appreciate them!

Day 2 with Maggie

Today has been a great day thus far.  It is currently 5 til 2:00 in the afternoon and Maggie is down for her afternoon nap.  I am going to try to get about 45 minutes rest, but I wanted to updated the blog as I don't know if I will be able to do it tonight.

Last night went really well.  She actually slept through the night which I cannot believe.  When I told Masha, she gave me a very surprised look and said that it is "completely unheard of."  She woke up at 7:00 but I think that dad actually woke her (but don't tell him!).  He claims that he heard her waking up, but I don't think that she was fully awake.  I didn't really care though since the doctor was coming at 7:30.  He checked her out and all was fine.  She has what sounds like a chest cold, but he said that the breathing thing that we have heard is from the teething - her lungs are clear, ears are great and throat is clear.  Plus, she is not coughing, really.

Another issue that I was really worried about before I got her was her eating.  I have heard horror stories about kids not eating anything and especially not drinking anything at all.  Again, I have been so lucky, thus far.  She is a great eater and has pretty much loved everything I have given her, and although she didn't love the spinach at lunch today, but she still ate it.  She also has taken the bottles without a problem so that is good!  She also loves Puffs!!  She is so pleased when she eats them and claps for herself.  It is precious.

After the doctor left this morning dad and I decided to take her on an outing.  We walked over the Red Square and I showed dad all the main spots.  They have set up an ice rink and what looks like will be some sort of Christmas village in the middle so he could not get the full view, but he loved it.  We also went over to the tomb of the unknown soldier which was neat. Maggie loved being in the carrier and was babbling most of the morning.  It was precious.

The more time dad and I spent with her this morning, the more and more struck we both were at what a true miracle from God she is. She is so happy and fun-loving (with a little bit of a temper so she will fit right in with the Holts!).  She is already adjusted to dad (which is a HUGE deal since she has not been around men at all) and is not crying when I leave the room (but may follow me where I go).  We even took her to a crowded lunch spot today, and she was flirting with the other people around her.  I am in awe of God's blessings on us right now and it makes me cry in wonder and appreciation for all He has given us.  All of the waiting, heartache, etc. was totally worth it.  I am overjoyed.  Now I just want to come home.

As for tomorrow, Masha presented all our documents to the Embassy today for Maggie's visa, and we got the green light.  My appointment is at 11:30 tomorrow and Vlad is picking us up at 10:40.  The appointment will take about an hour and it is right during lunch so feeding her should be interesting.  Please pray that it all goes well. Once that is done, we are done with everything and will just wait until our flight leaves on Sunday.  I cannot wait to get home!!! I am sure that we will find some fun adventures to go on, and I will, of course, be posting. 

 Here are some pictures from today:

Loves her tongue!

playing with her feet!

At St. Basil's Cathedral - it is about 28 degrees here so we are all bundled up!

Guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier