Moving along

I spoke with our adoption coordinator today and received some GREAT news.  First, we are almost done with out pre-clearance through immigration.  Ted and I are scheduled to get our biometric fingerprints (don't ask what it is because I don't even know) on August 8th.  That is the last step for Immigration.  Second, and maybe more exciting, is that all our documents were sent to Russia on July 7!!  She apparently sent me an e-mail to tell me, but I never received it.  That means that we will probably be registered within the next week or so and will find out what region our baby girl is coming from and where we will be travelling to meet her and bring her home!  I am on cloud nine to say the least.  Best news that I have heard in a while.  Happy Thursday!

Happenings

A few updates on the Holt household ----

• Ward lost his first tooth yesterday.  It is actually his second tooth to lose, since he had an upper one pulled when he was 4 by the dentist because of an injury, but this was the real first one to lose on his own.  (RAMDOM THOUGHT: Does anyone else have to think about loose v. lose like I do?)  It is on the bottom, right below the upper one that is gone so he has a huge hole there.  He was over at a neighbor's house playing in the hose and wiggling his tooth, as he has for the past couple of days.  He showed the 8 year old boy his loose tooth, and he told Ward that it was bleeding.  The mom, a friend of mine from high school, went inside to get a paper towel for him and next thing Ward knows, she has pulled his tooth right out!  (Ward said "Mom she was really tricky, but it didn't hurt!")  She later told me that she loves to pull teeth and I can send him down anytime!  Good to know since I can't even look at a loose tooth without making my stomach turn.  The tooth fairy even came last night . . . $5 was left.  I told Ted and I didn't realize that tooth were going for that much these days.  He assured me that it was a first tooth only $5 and the rest are worth $1. 
• I am chugging along on my diet and encouraged.  Weight Watchers really works, I am here to tell you.  I lost a pound and a half last week and think that I have lost at least that much this week.   Slow and steady wins the race, I keep telling myself.  No starving myself here. And this is without much exercise since some of the swelling has returned in my ankle.  My physical therapist thinks that I just started back too swiftly (i.e. I overdid it because I was so excited about being able to exercise), but says that if I just slow down and be patient she thinks that it will still heal without surgery.
• I took a GIGANTIC step, which I have to say sounds sort-of selfish, at work.  I decided to keep the same number of hours per week (20), but to cut back to 3 days a week so I can join the tennis team.  I really wanted a social outlet and the fact that I get to exercise and hang out with my friends at the same time makes it even better.  Plus it will be nice to have a little competition in my life.  I am starting on the lowest level team and hopefully can work my way up.  Practices start in about 3 weeks.  Keep your fingers crossed that my ankle holds up! 
• Finally, and maybe, the biggest news of all, we are finally going to add onto our house!  With the newest addition to the Holt family coming in the spring, and the real need for Ted to have an office in our house that is not located in the playroom, we decided to go for it.  As most of you know, we bought the lot next to our house about 3 years ago and have had a great, huge yard.  But we are going to add on a screen porch with a fireplace and a master suite downstairs.  I am so excited!  Meeting with the architects on Tuesday so more details to come.

So I guess that is a lot going on!  I have been loving the summer but am really ready for school to start. I remember feeling this way about this time last year.  I am such a creature of habit and I love a good routine.  And I know that my kids are happier (and baehave better) when they are on a good schedule as well.  So here's counting down until August 10th! (Can you believe that they start that early????)

Ankle Update

I don't think that I have updated the blog since my latest visit to my orthopedic doctor.  I walked in thinking that I was headed for the knife, and left with a great surprise!  Like me, he was very impressed with the progress I am making at physical therapy.  I have very little swelling anymore and the pain is almost nonexistent that this point.  So we decided that I would do 4 more weeks of physical therapy, including the cortisone patch that I have come to love (although it hurts!).  The best news is that I can begin physical activity again to see if the results hold up when I am doing my normal stuff.

I have tried to start back exercising, but I am so out of shape.  I am also scared that anything I do I am going to hurt my ankle and ruin all the progress that I have made.  As soon as it starts burning, I always stop and do not seem to know whether I need to push through it or if I am just making it worse.  I have decided to do the "Couch to 5K" running program and go very slow to see how it holds up.  A friend of mine at work is going to do it with me so I will have a buddy.  I'll keep you posted!

It's Friday!

Just because everyone needs a little bit of teeny-bopper music in their life.



Happy Friday!

Validation & AP Pics

Thanks to so many of you who said something about my little pity-party post from yesterday.  It really was healing to put it in writing and I can't tell you how much I appreciate your kind words.  What meant the most are the "I understand," "I have been there" and "no you aren't being selfish."  I truly am so blessed to have such great friends.

Oh and here are a couple of pics of Ann Park from way back.  Look at those cheeks and thighs!!!

 

the day she broke her arm (not yet 2) in April 2008

cowboy Ward

and cowgirl Ann Park!

her second birthday party

October 2008

look at that tummy!

about a month before Sam was born (April 2009)

meeting Sam for the first time!

3rd birthday party

soccer star!

Christmas - all dolled up!

January 2010 - at Disney!

May 2010 - her first (and maybe only) dance recital!

in Palmetto Bluff 2010

turning 4

first day of 4K

decorating the Christmas tree

fun sledding

Mardi Gras 2011

Easter 2011 (I wish she would let me cut her hair!!!)

summer 2011 at the lake

with mommy over the 4th of July weekend

Happy birthday

22 months old (with cast, no less!)  Look at those legs!

almost 5 (taken in May).  She is turning into one gorgeous girl!

Today Ann Park is five years old.  It seems like just yesterday I was sitting in my OB's office, having my blood pressure taken for what had to be the millionth time that pregnancy, and hearing her tell me to go downstairs because I was going to have this baby TODAY.  I called Ted, who was in a deposition at another firm's office, and told him to get to the hospital as soon as possible.  That took a little time (thankfully he had someone on-call to cover for him in case this happened) and he was there AFTER the worst part for me - the IV.  I distinctly remember the nurse not being able to get the IV in and she really botched it.  I cried.  The head nurse came in and got it in the other arm without a problem.  Funny what you remember, huh?

Anyway, after an uneventful c-section, Ann Park Holt, was born in the early afternoon on July 20.  She brought so much joy into our lives on that day and continues to do so every day.  She has the sweetest heart and is such a loving child.  Of course she has her moments, but I wouldn't trade her for the world!

Struggling

I thought that I was an "open book."  I thought that I leaned on my family (especially Ted) and my friends.  I thought that I didn't keep everything inside.  I thought WRONG.   The other night I had a HUGE breakdown.  It wasn't pretty.  But it was necessary.  And it has gotten me thinking.

I am struggling right now.  And I hate to even write that because I don't really have problems.  I have a healthy, wonderful family who loves me dearly.  We have food to eat . . . great food, actually.  I have a roof over my head, and live in a fabulous community.  I live a wonderful life compared to most.  I know this and I hate to be selfish when I know how fortunate I really am.  And yet, I still feel like I am sinking.

There are a couple of reasons for this.  First, as most of y'all know I have been dealing with this ankle injury since March. I am pretty sure that I am a little depressed because of it.  It has not allowed me to work out.  As a result, I do not have my stress reliever.  But, also as a result, I have gained weight.  And I am not happy about that.  I don't like what I see in the mirror.  And that self-image affects a lot more than I really thought.  Having not-so-great, alright, bad, feelings about the way I look makes me want to run and hide.  It makes me not want to do things.  It makes me not me.  But the good news is that I have been cleared to exercise again.  Of course, I am a little scared to exercise since there is still a hole in my tendon, but physical therapy is REALLY working and I am going to try.  I have to try.  Oh and I went on Weight Watchers.  So I am not going to be enjoying all that good food.  But I have to get back to seeing the person who I want to see in the mirror.  I know that sounds so shallow, but it is the truth.  And it feels good to write it down, even though people may judge me.

There is another reason why I feel like I am struggling/sinking and it has to do with work.  Don't get me wrong - I have a great job.  I have probably one of the best schedules in America and I definitely have the best boss I could ever hope for.  I am a huge "law nerd" and I like reading and writing.  And I am good at it.  The problem is that I am starting to lose the spark for what I do because I feel like it is interfering too much with everything else that I am -  a mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend - just me.  My job used to be such a part of who I was and I was so proud of it (I still am proud of it.)  However, with three kids, and another on the way, I feel like it is adding more stress to my life, instead of being the stress-reliever that it used to be. I am constantly stressing out about how I am going to take my children/pick them up from wherever they are, what time I have to leave from work, and how I am going to squeeze in all the other things that need to be done (like grocery shopping, errands, homework, etc.)  And then by the time I get home from whatever I did after work, I am so stressed out from running around like a chicken with her head cut off that I am short with the kids when all they want to do is see mommy and play - especially Sam.  But all I want to do is go up to my room, turn on BRAVO, and go off into la-la land while watching Million Dollar Decorators. 

And here is the real kicker that I am ashamed to even write.  I just want some time for ME.  I want to be able to go to the gym when I want and not when I am squeezing it in between work, items on the to-do list, and picking up the kids from school/activity. I want to be able to go to lunch with my girl friends (if they would have me since I have been such a bad friend as of late). I want to be able to call my friends who don't live here and see how they are doing.  I don't think that I have called my out of town friends in at least 6 months - for some it has been over a year.  I want to be able to play tennis, go for a walk, take Sam to the library for story time.  I want to be able to be social.  I need it.  Basically, without time for me I am not the person I want to be.  But there are not that many hours in a day. 

. . . .  

Of course I go back and read all of this and think that I am just whining.   I probably am having too much of a pity-party and maybe once school starts back it will get a little better.  But I don't know.  How do you other moms do it?  I know that I can't have it all, but it seems like I have A LOT of help to do what I do and I don't even do that well because on the inside my attitude is so bad.  And then I have these massive breakdowns and Ted has no idea where they are coming from because I never tell him how much I am struggling on the inside just to keep it together. 

Family fun pictures

Our sweet sitter, Sallie, took some great family pictures of us.  We had such a fun time being together, as the pictures show!

HAVING FUN TOGETHER:

Mommy and "Baby" Sam

Daddy and his boys

Mommy and her boys (not sure where Ann Park was while we were taking these pictures!)

FAMILY BEACH SHOTS:

unfrtunately, the camera fogged up a bit on these shots, and they are the better ones . . . 

Oh and I just discovered that I forgot to post any fishing pictures . . . another day, I promise!