Redneck birthday

Sam's 4th birthday party was yesterday.  All the moms around here get all "etsyed"out around here for birthday parties, but that's just not how I roll . . . like I had time even if I wanted to!  Instead, when Sam told me that he wanted an "all Batman" party with a jumpy house, I headed to Party City (at least 3 times) and got all rednecked up.

That afternoon the rain started, but there was not any thunder and lightening.  AFter canceling two birthday parties earlier this year, there was NO WAY I was canceling his one.  Instead, I told the boys (7 in total) to bring their bathingsuits and get wet!  The rain didn't slow anyone down (and held off for most of the party).  The boys had SO MUCH FUN and I loved watching them all interact.

Here are some of the silly pictures for all those we love who missed it!

Batman . . . er, I mean Sam

the biggest bounce house I have seen!

Batman t-shirts with their names on the back as favors

yummy cake!

Their best Batman faces!

muscles!!!

Silly Sam!

Maggie loved the bouncy!

the cutest 6-year old I know!

CAKE TIME!!!  Sam was so excited and loved being the center of attention (imagine that?)!

 the crew (minus a few)

Dear Moms of Adopted Children

I read this letter by Kathy Lynn Harris last week before Mother's Day and things have been so hectic that I never posted it.  I know that most people who read this blog aren't moms of adopted children, but parts of this letter are great for all to read . . . to help all understand. They do not all apply to me or our cicrumstances but I enjoyed it nonetheless.  I know that not all are called to adopt, but I am SO THANKFUL that God chose us to become parents (for the 4th time!) in this special way.

Here is the link (http://www.kathylynnharris.com/dear-moms-of-adopted-children/) but I have reposted the words below.

______________________________

Dear Mom of an Adopted Child,


I met you in adoption education class. I met you at the agency. I met you at my son’s school. I met you online. I met you on purpose. I met you by accident.

It doesn’t matter. The thing is, I knew you right away. I recognize the fierce determination. The grit. The fight. Because everything about what you have was a decision, and nothing about what you have was easy. You are the kind of woman who Makes.Things.Happen. After all, you made this happen, this family you have.

Maybe you prayed for it. Maybe you had to convince a partner it was the right thing. Maybe you did it alone. Maybe people told you to just be happy with what you had before. Maybe someone told you it simply wasn’t in God’s plans for you to have a child, this child whose hair you now brush lightly from his face. Maybe someone warned you about what happened to their cousin’s neighbor’s friend. Maybe you ignored them.

Maybe you planned for it for years. Maybe an opportunity dropped into your lap. Maybe you depleted your life-savings for it. Maybe it was not your first choice. But maybe it was.

Regardless, I know you. And I see how you hold on so tight. Sometimes too tight. Because that’s what we do, isn’t it?

I know about all those books you read back then. The ones everyone reads about sleep patterns and cloth versus disposable, yes, but the extra ones, too. About dealing with attachment disorders, breast milk banks, babies born addicted to alcohol, cocaine, meth. About cognitive delays, language deficiencies. About counseling support services, tax and insurance issues, open adoption pros and cons, legal rights.

I know about the fingerprinting, the background checks, the credit reports, the interviews, the references. I know about the classes, so many classes. I know the frustration of the never-ending paperwork. The hours of going over finances, of having garage sales and bake sales and whatever-it-takes sales to raise money to afford it all.

I know how you never lost sight of what you wanted.

I know about the match call, the soaring of everything inside you to cloud-height, even higher. And then the tucking of that away because, well, these things fall through, you know.

Maybe you told your mother, a few close friends. Maybe you shouted it to the world. Maybe you allowed yourself to decorate a baby’s room, buy a car seat. Maybe you bought a soft blanket, just that one blanket, and held it to your cheek every night.

I know about your home visits. I know about your knuckles, cracked and bleeding, from cleaning every square inch of your home the night before. I know about you burning the coffee cake and trying to fix your mascara before the social worker rang the doorbell.

And I know about the followup visits, when you hadn’t slept in three weeks because the baby had colic. I know how you wanted so badly to show that you had it all together, even though you were back to working more-than-full-time, maybe without maternity leave, without the family and casseroles and welcome-home balloons and plants.

And I’ve seen you in foreign countries, strange lands, staying in dirty hotels, taking weeks away from work, struggling to understand what’s being promised and what’s not. Struggling to offer your love to a little one who is unsettled and afraid. Waiting, wishing, greeting, loving, flying, nesting, coming home.

I’ve seen you down the street at the hospital when a baby was born, trying to figure out where you belong in the scene that’s emerging. I’ve seen your face as you hear a nurse whisper to the birthmother that she doesn’t have to go through with this. I’ve seen you trying so hard to give this birthmother all of your respect and patience and compassion in those moments—while you bite your lip and close your eyes, not knowing if she will change her mind, if this has all been a dream coming to an abrupt end in a sterile environment. Not knowing if this is your time. Not knowing so much.

I’ve seen you look down into a newborn infant’s eyes, wondering if he’s really yours, wondering if you can quiet your mind and good sense long enough to give yourself over completely.

And then, to have the child in your arms, at home, that first night. His little fingers curled around yours. His warm heart beating against yours.

I know that bliss. The perfect, guarded, hopeful bliss.

I also know about you on adoption day. The nerves that morning, the judge, the formality, the relief, the joy. The letting out of a breath maybe you didn’t even know you were holding for months. Months.

I’ve seen you meet your child’s birthparents and grandparents weeks or years down the road. I’ve seen you share your child with strangers who have his nose, his smile … people who love him because he’s one of them. I’ve seen you hold him in the evenings after those visits, when he’s shaken and confused and really just wants a stuffed animal and to rest his head on your shoulder.

I’ve seen you worry when your child brings home a family tree project from school. Or a request to bring in photos of him and his dad, so that the class can compare traits that are passed down, like blue eyes or square chins. I know you worry, because you can protect your child from a lot of things — but you can’t protect him from being different in a world so intent on celebrating sameness.

I’ve seen you at the doctor’s office, filling out medical histories, leaving blanks, question marks, hoping the little blanks don’t turn into big problems later on.

I’ve seen you answer all of the tough questions, the questions that have to do with why, and love, and how much, and where, and who, and how come, mama? How come?

I’ve seen you wonder how you’ll react the first time you hear the dreaded, “You’re not my real mom.” And I’ve seen you smile softly in the face of that question, remaining calm and loving, until you lock yourself in the bathroom and muffle your soft cries with the sound of the shower.

I’ve seen you cringe just a little when someone says your child is lucky to have you. Because you know with all your being it is the other way around.

But most of all, I want you to know that I’ve seen you look into your child’s eyes. And while you will never see a reflection of your own eyes there, you see something that’s just as powerful: A reflection of your complete and unstoppable love for this person who grew in the midst of your tears and laughter, and who, if torn from you, would be like losing yourself.

______________________

Yes, these words are so true.  I cannot imagine my life without Maggie.  She is as much a part of me as Ward, Ann Park and Sam are.  I would go to the moon and back for her.  I want the world for her.  And I want her to always know what we did to bring her home . . . to her mommy and daddy . . . to her family.  The family that God meant for her to be a necessary part of all along.  We were not complete until she entered into it.

Maggie's Adoption Video

When I sat down and realized that we had hit the 5 months mark with Maggie, I could not believe that I had not started the adoption video I promised that I would make.  I am a novice at iVideo and thought that it was going to take a long time, but it really only took me about a week to complete.  I am so happy with the way it came out.  

I posted it on You Tube for your viewing pleasure.  It is 12 minutes long, so sit back and enjoy.  You may also want to grab a tissue!  I still cry watching it!  Oh - and you have to watch it on a computer and not a mobile device (iPad, iPhone, etc.) because it contains copyrighted music.

One down . . . three to go

This cold, dreary May morning I had the pleasure of driving to our wonderful capital city, Montgomery, Alabama, for a visit to the Secretary of State's office.  Why, you ask, did I make this approximately 180 mile round-trip journey all before noon this morning?  I had to get Maggie's first post-placement report apostilled (i.e. get the seal of the Secretary of State showing that it is an authentic document) and mailed to Lighthouse Adoptions in Ann Arbor for them to mail to Moscow to get translated and then filed in the Moscow City Court with the judge who approved Maggie's adoption.

We knew that they post-placement reports were part of the deal.  We agreed to doing them well before we even met Maggie and told the judge that we would file them on time and per the schedule (which is at the 6 month, 1 year, 2 year and 3 year marks).  We met with our social worker who talked to us for a while and observed Maggie with us and with the other kids.  It was pretty painless especially since I love showing Maggie off to others.  Our social worker had to write a detailed report regarding everything that had gone on with Maggie since we adopted her, as well as a report on us as a family.  I also had to gather pictures to show us all together as a family and show Maggie thriving (which was easy).  That report is the one I took to get apostilled today.

Part of me was screaming inside as I did all this.  One of the reasons for these reports is to help future families . . . in that the better the kids are doing here, the better for future adoptions.  And now because of all that has gone on with the politics between Russia and the United States those future adoptions will never occur.  And my mind goes directly to the orphanage to all those precious faces of those children who will NEVER have families.  They will never have a mommy or a daddy.  They will never have a brother or a sister.  They will never have a home - other than an institution.  Most of them will be moved from orphanage to orphanage (based on age) and then when they are 17 they will be let out to fend for themselves.  The boys almost always go directly into crime, and the girls are picked up by pimps and become forced prostitutes.  And that is how Russia takes care of its orphans.

Yes, I know that there are stories out there about people here in the United States who have adopted some of these precious children and bad things have happened to those children.  Some of the bad things were criminal, and those parents should be punished to the full extent of the law.  But some of those bad things were pure accidents and I mourn with those parents.   The VAST majority of us love our Russian children like they were our biological children.  I don't even think about the fact that Maggie is adopted in the way that I feel for her.  There is simply no difference between her and Ward, Ann Park or Sam.  She is MINE and I am her mommy.  Forever and for always.

No No!

I had to post this while I was thinking about it because if I don't I'll forget about it!  Maggie has gotten into a bad habit of throwing food on the floor when she (a) is finished eating and/or (b) doesn't like what I gave her.  Of course it gets a response out of me (something that I know she wants) and it always involves me saying "no no!"  So tonight as she finished her meal and wanted me to know it she started her typical throwing food on the floor but accompanied it by yelling "No No!" as she did it.  And boy was she pleased with herself.  She was laughing and had a little devilish grin on her face.

As my mom says, she is a Holt.  And I have to admit, she fits right in!

4 months

4 months since I picked up Maggie from the orphanage on that cold cold Moscow day.  I was looking at a video from when we were leaving the orphanage and it feels like FOREVER ago.  I mean, seriously.  Maggie is NOTHING like that little scared girl I see in the video.  I can't get the video to upload, but here is a picture of that little girl with her caretaker at the orphanage- all bundled up and ready to go!

And then my heart still melts when I see this picture of her favorite caretaker waving goodbye.  I prayed daily for this woman.  And I am so thankful that she loved Maggie and took such good care of her.  The care she gave Maggie, and the fact that I am positive that Maggie was attached to her, is one of the reasons why Maggie is doing so well. 

And then there was that little girl in the hotel room who cried out of fear of the unknown.  She didn't even want my dad to look at her, much less be in the same room.  Looking back, she was so brave - a new place, new faces, new smells, new food, new everything.

And before I knew it - literally within 45 minutes - she went from that scared little girl to ALL SMILES and LAUGHTER

and she has never looked back.  That twinkle in her eye that I see in this picture is still there.  It was like she couldn't wait to show me how amazing she was!

But as Ward says, "Maggie looks nothing like those pictures" and he is right.  She is thriving.  She is growing like a weed.  She went up to the 10th percentile for height at her 15 month appointment.  She has a mouth full of teeth.  She understands every single word that comes out of my mouth.  And she is saying new words every day.  (Yesterday is was "nana" for banana and baba for "baby".  She also says "Wa" for Ward and it is precious.)  She is so close to really talking and is frustrated that she can't communicate more.  Once she gets it, I don't think that I am going to be able to get her to be quiet.  She fits right in our family!!!

Here are a couple of recent videos.  You can see how much her siblings adore her.  She lights up our lives and I can't imagine our family without her!

This is about the only time I have gotten her to keep a pigtail in her hair for over 30 seconds.  She usually pulls them right out.  But her hair is always in her eyes so I try and try again.  I think that I must have distracted her with the Flip and she forgot it was there.

Maggie LOVES music - any kind.  She also loves to dance.  Dance parties in Ann Park's room are a daily occurrence in this house!

Easter

Easter was a great chance to spend time together as an immediate family and to spend time with our extended family - more and more cousins!  We were especially excited about Julie and her kids coming to visit since they were not here for Christmas and we didn't get a long visit that time.  I also couldn't help thinking how it was Maggie's first Easter as a Holt.  I can't imagine what her first Easter was like - probably not even given a second thought  - and I definitely prayed for all those kids in Russian orphanages with no hope of adoption by an American family right now.

As I was thinking back on the day, I realized that I had "missed" Maggie's 4 month anniversary of Gotcha Day (April 27).  It was a crazy week last week with lots of doctors appointments for Ward and Maggie and we had our meeting with our social worker to get our 6 month report ready to send to Russia.  I still can't believe that it has been 4 months.  She is such a different child than the tiny angel I brought home.  Physically, she has filled out, broken at least 9 teeth (and 4 more molars on the way according to our first dentist appointment last week), and is growing out of a lot of clothes!  Her hair is growing like a weed and she is sporting a great mullet.  She refuses to let me to put anything in her hair to get it out of her face, so it is in her eyes a lot.  I am not  going to cut it until I can get it all even and  in a bob so she is just going to continue to look a little white-trashesque for a while.  The hair goes perfectly with her dirty "Walmart feet."  She does not like shoes at all and I think it might be because she always had on tights, socks and shoes when she was in the orphanage.  As soon as she started playing with her toes, she was hooked.  She even refuses to wear footy pajamas because she likes her toes free!!

Developmentally, she is running all over the place, literally.  She loves to play "chase" and she is still obsessed with throwing balls and loves balloons.   She has great hand-eye coordination and I love watching her trying to put things back in their place.  She is learning how to whine (like a true Holt) and I think frustrated that she can't communicate better with us.  I totally remember this stage with my other kids and see it as a positive development, although it can be very annoying and trying when I am tired.   She also has learned to blow kisses which still brings tears to my eyes when she does it!!

Here are some pictures from Easter to show you all the craziness in our house --- better than me telling you!

Sam - always the entertainer!

Ward mid-bunny eating!!

my little reader!

Happy girl!  First Easter!!

see the hair???

concentrating

I love this picture - classic Maggie look!

trying to get a shot of the kids but I had to get in it!

blowing a kiss!!!

so sweet!

I think that this was the best one!

Christopher cousins and Grandmom

monsters!!!

Two months

I can't believe that it has been two months since "Gotcha Day."  It has been a wild ride and I am in complete awe at the miracle who is Maggie Holt.  When I look at her and think about what I know of her beginnings, I am amazed.  I am also saddened when I think about those 11 months she spent in the orphanage, but thankful to her caretakers who clearly loved her and took care of her.

A short outline of the amazing progress she has made since November 27, 2012 (and I am sure that there are plenty things that I am leaving out!):

• Silent tears streaming down her face as we entered the hotel room, her first "home" away from the orphanage TO NOW screaming and fussing and reaching for mommy and/or daddy when she is scared/hurt.
• No sounds coming out of her mouth at all TO NOW babbling constantly and even trying to sing along with the radio.  Her favorite sounds are still in the "da da" range, but she is starting to attempt to say "mama" even if it has more of a "ba" sound.  I love hearing her sing though - hearing her for the first time in the car made me laugh, but also cry with joy.  
• Crawling around TO NOW taking 5-7 steps at a time.  She will be fully walking VERY SOON, much to my dismay! She loves to push the baby stroller around and our little bee. She can even climb the stairs (and is so fast that I had to put a gate at the bottom of them)!
• Insisting that I hold her almost every minute of the day TO NOW freely exploring rooms (if I am in them) and even pretending to leave the room and laughing as she crawls back to me.
• From never seeing a phone (much less an iPhone) TO NOW holding it up to her ear and "talking" and even holding it between her ear and her shoulder just like I do!
• From never seeing a television TO NOW loving Baby Einstein (at least the ones about animals!)
• From never seeing a computer TO NOW hitting all over the keyboard like she is typing!
• Waving bye-bye
• Giving "five"
• Playing peek-a-boo
• Leaning in to "give you a kiss"
• Playing chase with Ward
• From not playing with toys at all TO NOW playing with age-appropriate toys, including blocks and everything in the play kitchen!
• Not being outside except in a stroller TO NOW loving the outdoors and especially the swing.  She also loves to be in the yard on nice days, but is still unsure of the grass.  Hopefully once the nice green, soft grass of spring replaces the hard, itchy grass of winter she will learn to like it!

Another thing that I have been amazed at is how she has dropped almost every orphanage behavior - even the sucking of her thumb that she would do when she was tired and about to fall asleep!  She would also "rock" herself to sleep and I don't see any sign of either any more.  Of course, now she loves her paci and her lovies in her bed!  One way of coping to another, I guess!   One thing that she still does that I think is a little strange is that she places objects behind her back/behind her neck.  She thinks that it is funny and it is some sort of game that I have yet to figure out!

We have gone from THIS (November 27, 2012):

TO THIS (January 20, 2013) in NO TIME!!

Fat Tuesday and other thoughts

Sorry that I have been very absent. I make no excuse other than I find my time consumed by 4 kids and starting back work. I also don't want to spend my nights on the computer. Not that nothing is going on. Maybe I'll just post as I sit in carpool line? Better use of my time than Facebook and Instagram for sure. And I'm still working on a Maggie update.

As for Mardi Gras we live through my sister and her family in New Orleans. We had a blast a couple of years ago when we took Ward and AP and are hoping to get back soon ... maybe even next year. But for now, Sam's school parade will have to do.

And don't get me started on Lent. Can't believe it is already here. Not sure what I am sacrificing. Last year was Facebook. I've done the typical sweets, diet cokes, etc but want to be more meaningful this year. Stay tuned.

GREAT Report

I am preparing a blog post on Maggie's 2nd month anniversary of Gotcha Day (last Sunday), but I wanted to quickly report (while I have a free moment to myself!) that we had an INCREDIBLE report at the International Adoption Clinic today.  First Maggie had her hearing tested.  Although she still has some fluid on her left ear, her hearing was perfect.  We will have an ear re-check with our pediatrician in a month to make sure that the fluid has resolved.  If it does not resolve on its own, we may have to get tubes just to make sure the fluid does not hinder hear hearing in the future.  Nothing is infected though and she is not in pain.

Next, we went to our follow-up with the International Adoption team.  I was anxious (and didn't sleep well) at getting the results of all the blood work.  So many "what ifs" floated through my brain (most of them irrational) but I just needed to hear from an American doctor that all was okay.  And not only was the news that all was OKAY - the news was that Maggie is doing INCREDIBLY WELL!  We first met with the occupational therapist who literally was laughing at how well Maggie was doing.  She said that there were not many children who she has seen in the clinic who are where Maggie is after 2 months home.  Not only did she meet all the goals for a 9-12 month old, but she met a lot of goals for a 12-18 month old (such as putting a cube into the square hole, climbing stairs, etc.)  The OT kept on saying that "good" for these kids is being 6 months behind - that such a delay is expected - and she could not believe that Maggie was not delayed at all.  I was beaming!!!

Then the doctor came in.  Maggie has gained a pound and a half in the past two months home - bringing her to a healthy weight of 18 1/2 pounds!   This puts her in about the 17th% - up from the 5th% where she measured on December 5.  She did not measure length or head circumference - those measurements will be take at her 6 months check-up since that growth is not as big.  And then what I had been waiting to hear - ALL HER BLOODWORK WAS PERFECT!!!!  Nothing abnormal AT ALL.  And she received every shot that she should have (and that was recorded by the orphanage).  The doctor kept on saying how wonderful this was and definitely out of the ordinary from her experience.

All I know is that Maggie is a miracle.  I am convinced that God placed angels around her and in her life while she waited on us.  The orphanage is part of her story and will always be, but she was protected, cared for, and loved by her caretakers.  She is attaching to us so well, and I cannot take any of the credit for it.  Yes, I am working at it and have done everything the experts have told us to do, but God's hand is ALL OVER HER.  She is destined for something so amazing.  I just can't wait to sit back and watch Him work in her life!!!  Praise God!!!!!!