Can't sleep

So I can't sleep.  It is now 4:51 and after being awake in bed for the past 2 hours I decided that it was close enough to morning that I could get up.  So many things are swirling through my head.

First, I almost feel ashamed for my anger (reflected in my last post).  So many people are doing all that they can to get our daughter to us.  And I know in my head that as soon as I see our little girl and have her here with us, all this delay and waiting will be understood and totally worth it.  As my wonderful Godmother said to me in an email:

"You also have our encouragement to stay strong and not feel defeated.  One day, when your daughter is old enough to comprehend how hard you and Ted worked to get her, and how long you waited just for her, she will know how very much her parents love her!!!"

Thank you for those words!  I know that they are so true and do provide some comfort to me.  I am just having a hard time getting all that I know in my head to be felt by my heart.

Second, I want to get all the documents I need to update done.  Now. These documents are actually not for Russia, but for our homestudy which is required by the United States and Alabama to adopt. I have to get medical updates -  on each child as well as Ted and I.  Ted just had a physical and I have one scheduled for tomorrow, but that means getting new documents on Ward, Ann Park and Sam.  It will be easy for Ward since he just had a physical, but it looks like Ann Park and Sam will have to be reexamined.  Not fun.  Then I have to get local police clearance again.  I mean, I just had to get cleared by DHR again.  It seems crazy to me that we have to get this again and again.  Plus, it is kinda a pain to do.  And all the documents have to be notarized!! We also have to get a bank statement regarding all our accounts and do an entire new financial statement.  The last thing we have to do is ask our dear friends who wrote our referral letters to update them.  I hate asking them to do that all over again, but what are friends for, right?

Third, I needed to apologize to my sweet contact at our adoption agency.  I kinda unloaded some emotions on her that I should not have.  I was just so frustrated and although I had some restraint, I know that I took some of them out on her.  And that is the LAST person who I should be doing that to.   She is the one working her fanny off to get all this done for us.  All she wants is to place a little girl with us.  Hopefully she will understand and accept my apology (which I already sent through email!).

So that is why I can't sleep.  Of course I am also thinking about how much longer the wait is, but I am starting to give that up.  That is one of the things I am trying to give up over this Lent - not obsessing over the when.  I am not doing a very good job right now, but I have 39 more days, right?