Anxious

Not that this should come as news to anyone who actually reads my random thoughts on here, but I am getting anxious.  Really anxious.  The end of June is right around the corner and I want the referral of our baby girl so badly it hurts.  I am trying to keep myself occupied (which isn't that hard considering I have a ton of stuff going on at work, a house under construction, kids out of school, and my tennis team is going to the state tournament this weekend), but even with all of that, the adoption occupies the vast majority of my thoughts.  I was so disappointed/hurt/angry about the last time we were expecting a referral and it didn't work out, and I just don't want that to happen again.  I don't know if my psyche could handle it right now. 

And we have been waiting SO LONG.  I mean, to put it in perspective for you, we started this process on January 15, 2011.  And our homestudy/dossier was sent to Russia on July 7, 2011, almost one year ago.  We were registered in Vladivostok in late August 2011 and were told six months until a referral.  It has been 10. 

I know that God has a plan, and I am trying to find comfort in it, but right now it is getting the best of me.  Please say a quick prayer . . . for me.  That I will lean on the Lord and not on my own strength as it is failing me right now.  I have these moments where all I want to do is hole up in my room and weep.  And it is not because I am feeling sorry for myself.  I know that I am so blessed - all I have to do is look at my wonderful husband, three amazing kids and the rest of my family and friends.  I just know that someone is missing and she is sitting (crawling? walking?) in an orphanage in Vladivostok, Russia and I want to bring her home.